When we think about love—attracting our soul mate, settling down and getting married—we often go back to our childhood thoughts on this subject. Back then, we wondered how to meet Mr. Right. We thought the answer to ‘Who is my soul mate?’ was going to be easy.

A lot of women think that they should be in a relationship because it’s how to find love. We want to attract our soul mate and will take our chances in dating. We don’t even think twice. Do you ever notice that when you are single, friends and family are always asking you, "Are you seeing anyone?" or, "How’s your love life?"  If you say no, they all want to fix you up. On the other hand, if you are in a lousy relationship, they want to know, "Why are you with that loser?"

The quest of how to find Mr. Right has become so popular that there seem to be a million on-line dating sites, matchmaking services, books, and talk radio shows. Everywhere you look there is some reference to finding the love of your life. It seems like the only way to get into a relationship these days is to make it a full time job!

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I suggest that you take stock and decide why you want a relationship right now. Define your life and define Mr. Right. Do any of these reasons ring true?

• I am lonely
• All of my friends are in a relationship
• I feel like a loser without a man in my life
• My mother keeps asking me when I’m going to get married
• I want to get over my divorce or last relationship
• I want a man to support me so that I don’t have to work anymore
• I want to get even with someone or make someone jealous

Many times women just jump right into a relationship or stay in one with the wrong person because they feel that it’s better than being alone.

Even if we are lonely, the people we choose to let into our lives need to be chosen carefully.

I am inviting you to really look at whether or not you are ready for a relationship right now. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship, just got divorced, or had a death in the family and need to heal. There is nothing wrong with being alone and working on yourself to make sure that you are a complete, whole, and healthy person who is ready to give your all with the right person. I always liked the saying, "I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person."

A Beverly Hills Matchmaker, Marla Martenson is the author of Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting.