By lupe, Friday, March 13, 2009 10:37:59 PM
i ask why?????????????????????????????????????????????? Newspaper article full version In 3 more days it will have been two months since Meli's death, and her departure pains me today just as it did that very moment that i found her cold and lifeless. It is as if each second of my life someone is cutting open my heart in two and adding salt to that wound. It feels as if my soul died with her. Every time that I go into her room, which is countless times a day, I relive that horror of her leaving; I ask God where he was. Why didn't he allow me to save her? Why didn't he let me find her in time? Why didn't he choose me to take her place? I would have been ready to do that for her; I would do the same for any of my other children. As I write this, I am in her bedroom asking for answers to questions as I read over letters that she left me at different times. I tremble from pain and from anger at the futility of it all. It is so ironic, just a few months ago she and I had a long conversation about life, death, injustice, and the hypocrisy with which she was living through at that time;the pain that her boyfriend and another teen caused her. I remember that I told her: "Look, this flower; it is very pretty and so are you. Neither you nor any one else should cry over someone. You can do better than that." Her answer was: "It is not fairl everything that is happening to me. I hate going to school. I hate the schools here in Andrews. If you don't have money, if you're not the son or daughter of a rich person, if you are not of the right color, and if you are not the teacher's pet then you are nothing. You are left out. And they take away what you once had an what you worked so hard to achieve." I told her that in life nothing was fair; but, but that there was always an answer, and that things had a way of working out. I told her that death was no solution. She smiled at me and said: "Mami, there is no answer in standing up for myself against some people, I was sent to Saturday school. In cheer leading I was taken out even though I used to get up at 4:00 am to get ready to go to practice; then they replaced me with someone who used to miss countless times. But since she was seen as more favorable. Since then my world started crashing. I sure hope Crystal doesn't have to go through this" "It also isn't fair, Mami, all the times you have gone to school asking for help and they don't give it to you. The school does things as it sees fit. It is like my coach said when I lost my place at Nationals and was placed as an alternate, 'I hope it's ok because if not, you can get out. There are several that can take your place.'" "You see, Mami. I am tired of being hurt, tired of constantly coming home crying. I am tired of putting on a happy face and pretending that nothing matters after being hurt countless times. I lock myself in my room so that no one sees my pain." Many saw my daughter; she went through thousands of things, but only I saw her tears, her pain and her disenchantment. Many people contributed to her decision. Even I myself contributed to it because in the beginning when I found the first letters some months back in which she said goodbye, I did ask for help. That person that I reached to for help told me: "I guarantee that she is not going to do anything. She just wants attention." I hope that professional who told me that saw the obituary so that she can see if my daughter is now getting her attention. I wonder if all that is sufficient for that person. If she is paying, maybe she will not give such advice again. Hopefully the school is paying closer attention. Meli with her death, ironic as it is, has saved already more than one life. She has also opened a Pandora's box. Andrews is going to realize that indeed there is a problem in our schools with some of the personnel, some of the leaders, and with our youth. Like Meli said: "If we all dropped the act and the injustice; if instead we worked together, we would change not only Andrews but the entire world." I remember her smiling as she told me: "Why can't we all instead be friends, Mami?" I only hope that through her death others can identify their own feelings. If they too are suffering, hopefully they will not ignore it because the pain will remain. Choosing to ignore problems and pain will not make them go away. The problem will grow each day like a monster. So I ask that everyone help our youth. Don't allow a single young person to die in this manner. Don't let another mother die from pain as she continues living. Right now I am not sure hot to go about living; I sometimes don't want to go on. My life has been changed forever. I feel empty. I am in tears and in pain. I do not wish this on my worst enemy. Right now I should be saving for her Christmas present which was going to be the down payment on her new Avalanche. Instead, I'm saving for her tombstone. I should be seeing that her college applications be sent in on time and not putting flowers at her grave. May God hold my princess in His arms. May He give her peace and the justice that no one here wanted to give her. Melissa's mom, Lupe Flores

By shanna, Thursday, January 08, 2009 10:17:13 PM
I believe in everything! From faries to magic, what can I do to help my angels to appear and whom is my gaurdian because I always see dark shadows to my sides throughout the day.

By Kathleen, Sunday, January 04, 2009 05:22:56 PM
You are supposed to type in your month, day, and year of your birth and then the angel associated with each of these will be shown. Two of my angels gave conflicting career choices to follow among other things so I don't know about its validity.

By Genevieve, Friday, January 02, 2009 01:55:05 PM
What is the name of my Spirit Guide?

By Darlene, Monday, December 29, 2008 09:03:33 PM
Make it a goal to help someone every week, or every day? Wow...now that's an inspiring New Year's Resolution!

By Barbara, Sunday, December 28, 2008 07:02:05 PM
My email said to click here if I wanted to know names of my gaurdian angel. I clicked on and got no names . Just that I can keep the angel light in my heart. Of course lots of numbers for psychics I can call.

By Delores, Saturday, December 27, 2008 05:06:41 PM
I really appreciate SpiritNow! Thank You!

By Betty, Friday, December 26, 2008 09:08:43 AM
Thank you so much for the reading. I will try to keep the Christmas Spirit through the year.

By Joanie, Wednesday, December 24, 2008 01:46:47 PM
I will try to keep that holiday spirit alive more throughout the year of 09! smiles.......and try to help others along the way!! ;with my Angels help