Some of us know that we want a long-term relationship “some day,” but we need to deal with some “emotional baggage” that may have been inflicted on us in our childhoods or our previous relationships first. Learning how to deal with emotional baggage is not easy.

Unhappy childhoods aren’t the only events that can leave emotional baggage. Sometimes our previous romantic relationships can affect our readiness for a “worthy” partner. Oftentimes, after a relationship ends, we’re tempted to jump into another one to help us forget the break-up or to somehow wreak “revenge” on our former mate for dumping or hurting us. But these “rebound relationships” are rarely successful.

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Usually, the new person is chosen in haste, and therefore isn’t someone of quality or someone with whom we have a lot in common. And often when the person realizes that they’re just being used to meet your emotional needs, they will high-tail it out of the relationship as quickly as they can. Emotional baggage will destroy any chance of happiness. When the new relationship ends, you are now forced to deal with a brand-new break-up, as well as the issues that were never resolved from the previous break-up.

If you’ve just broken up with someone, give it time. Give yourself a chance to get to know “yourself” again. If you’re still looking for your former flame’s car to pass on the street, if you’re waiting for his call or you still cry when you see another person with bright blue eyes like he had, you’re not ready to “move on.” No matter what it takes, you must learn how to deal with emotional baggage. You need to make peace with the end of your relationship before you can devote your time and emotions to someone else.

A Beverly Hills Matchmaker, Marla Martenson is the author of Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting.

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