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Psychics (Sylvia) Articles
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The Importance of Family Relationships |
by Sylvia Browne
Today, on the eve of Mother's Day, I’m going to explore our much deeper relationships – our family. These are the ones that really brand our souls and impact our entire lives. This, or course, brings us to our families.
The Parent-Child Connection
They say that we learn about love from our parents. In my case, however, this wasn’t entirely true – I was taught about it by my grandmother Ada and my father, but certainly not by my mother. It’s true that she grew up in an age when women didn’t have much choice except to get married and have a family, and they usually had to go directly from their parents’ homes to do so. Of course, things in my time weren’t that different. In fact, I remember these two girls from my high school who got an apartment together after graduation. They were branded as “love girls” and they never did get married.
My mother was a very unhappy person, and I realized early on that she was also a prescription-drug addict. I think that’s why to this day I have trouble with painkillers and even Novocain. It seems almost too coincidental that about the same time I realized that my mother needed her “pills” (I was about 12 years old at the time). I became allergic to penicillin. It continued from there, to the point that even today I’m sensitive to m any drugs that others commonly take.
I think that we make ourselves predisposed to “family weaknesses” by telling ourselves that we inherited them. Yes I believe that addictions are illnesses, but they can be overcome if we’re aware that we picked them as tests for our spiritual growth. It’s almost too easy to say, “I come from an alcoholic family; therefore, I’m an alcoholic too.”
Recently, for instance, I met a man in a restaurant who said that his parents were alcoholics, so he was one as well, I said, “No, that’s what you chose to do. Even more important, if you knew that they were alcoholics, then you could have gotten counseling to help your supposed genetic weakness.” Then I went further by telling him, “And since your parents both died of liver failure, that’s not a great thing to emulate.”
He subsequently tried to use my philosophy against me by retorting, “But I probably picked that, too.”
“No,” I replied, “you picked it to overcome disease, not to go off track by using it as an excuse to drink.”
He sat there quietly for several minutes, and when the waitress came over, he declined another drink. I’m sure that our exchange didn’t instantly fix him, but what we can do in life is plant seeds – some take root and some don’t, but we shouldn’t let that stop from putting them in the ground in a loving and caring way.
My mother was a victim and a martyr, and she used me to keep my father around. I was the apple of his eye, so her favorite theme was this, “Go cheer Daddy up so that he’ll be in a good mood.” I resented it, but it served me very well in years to come in that I learned to be a performer at a young age.
Mother was never given to affection or words of love – only criticism. I was too tall, my hair was unruly, and she resented me for making my father happy (even though she was the one who asked me to do so). I knew very early on that I was in a no-win situation with her, so rather than dwell on all the hurt I could have sustained, I shut her out and gravitated toward the warm love of my grandmother, uncle, and father.
Now you can choose to carry around one or both of your parents’ mistakes, or you can use them to become a better mother or father yourself. If you don’t turn your life’s negatives to positives, you spend your days not learning…and you end up spiritually bankrupt. Personally, I took what my mother did and how she was and turned it into everything I didn’t want to do or be.
In other words, many times we should actually be grateful to such negative entities because they can help us grow spiritually – they strengthen our souls and make us better human beings. Yet too often people use a challenging home life as the excuse to be abusive, or they spend their days feeling martyred. What a royal waste of time! On top of that, everybody gets tired of hearing about how abused they were and how they used this as an emotional crutch year after year. No one escapes rejection or pain; it’s what we do with it that makes our spirits grow.
Mothers and Daughters
Although the relationship between my mother and me didn’t work out, I’ve seen so many beautiful mom-daughter connections. After losing her mother, one woman even told me, “She was my best friend.” Yet some women have never been taught to bond. Men seem to do it with ease, but we women have so m any emotions flowing that it’s sometimes hard for us to find a common ground. This isn’t a criticism; it’s merely the way we’re made. Girls are close to their mothers when they’re young and then transfer their feelings to their fathers (if he’s around). This is normal and healthy because it shows that the female is trying to balance herself between the emotional and linear intellect. The mind searches to duplicate itself with a balance of both male and female, and this is especially true with young children.
There’s a definite sense of vying for position with the mother that often happens…especially during the teenage years. If you can bite the bullet at this time and be a loving friend or spiritual light to your daughter, you’ll get through it. You might get a little battered in the process, but you’ll be stronger for it. Ladies, as you’re reading these words, honestly remember how you were at that age – trust me, it will make things easier.
Mothers and Sons
Now let’s move on to the mother-son relationship. As we’ll see, this tie can be less stressful thanks to the opposite-sex connection. The relationship between mother and son can certainly be complex, but it’s usually not as emotional as that of the two females. You may say I’m prejudiced because I raised boys, but I also had a foster daughter named Mary who lived with us from the time she was 6 until age 22.
The old saying “A boy is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all of her life” can be true in many instances, but even in my readings, I find that eight times out of ten, boys stay close to their mothers. This simply proves that women are more resourceful and independent than we give them credit for. Of course I’m not trying to say that we’re creating a bunch of mama’s boys, but since men have been tribal from the beginning of time, it’s natural for them to try to keep the clan together.
More often than not, if mothers ask their sons, “But if you do it this way, wouldn’t you have better results?” it will reap greater rewards than barking, “This is wrong because I say so!” In this way, you’re giving them suggestions to see the logic, rather than your being the controlling matriarchal figure. Brutal enforcement never works; it only demeans the individual, especially if he’s male. To hit or abuse in any way is never, ever acceptable for anyone, it simply teaches boys that things are acquired through physical violence…and the world has had enough of that.
And as I used to tell my high-school girls when I was teaching, males are far more sensitive than we give them credit for. Once upon a time they could be warriors, hunters and builders; today, most men can’t. Their primordial instincts have been squelched by modern-day office structures, and their egos have become quite fragile in the process.
Mothers also can’t treat their boys like alien beings or blame whatever negative relationships they’ve had with males on them. Rather note that there can be a real camaraderie with sons…a true and caring friendship. I’m sure that it was tough for my boys in the early days to have a psychic mother on television. They got a lot of teasing at school, more than they realized that I knew.
Sylvia Browne is without question, "America's #1 Psychic," an internationally known psychic and medium.
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By Mary, Saturday, May 09, 2009 01:08:07 PM
Happy Mother's Day Sylvia, I've have grown so much since I made the decision to be a different kind of Mother than my own. I realize she had a difficult life and couldn't understand unconditional love until she was much older.I wanted a closer relationship with my children from the very beginning of their lives. Iwas my Mother's caregiver until the day she died and I'm grateful that we drew so close and when she left us, she knew that I loved her so much
God Bless all the Mothers today.
By Elvira, Saturday, May 09, 2009 12:53:28 PM
Happy Mother's day Sylvia--Keep the sun shining in your heart always...Elfie
By Christine, Saturday, May 09, 2009 11:34:07 AM
SYLVIA,THANK YOU FOR WRITING THAT YOU ARE FILLED WITH KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM. CHRIS IS VERY LUCKY, AND NOW SO ARE WE, BECAUSE OF YOU. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOU SYLVIA. I HAVE 2 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN THAT GOD GAVE ME. I WILL BE SEEING THEM ON MOTHER'S DAY.
By BECKY, Saturday, May 09, 2009 11:17:35 AM
Happy Mother's Day to you, Sylvia:
THe older I get, the more thankful I am that I had that negative entity of a mother in my life; she probably made me a much better mother than I could have ever been, otherwise. Because I have had these experiences with her, I was able to write and publish books, and maybe not be very successful money-wise with them, but they have truly touched many hearts, which is the biggest purpose of a good book, anyways...peace and love to you always, Niki Jordan
By Marcelle, Saturday, May 09, 2009 10:59:16 AM
The connection between my Mother and I was by far the best ever, my husband and I took her in around the age of 95, she lived with us for three years then decided to move in with my brother and had a wonderful life, she passed at the age of 98. We then took in my mother-in-law at the age of 94 and she lived with us for three years, however now she is in a nursing home at the age of 97, I could no longer care for her for she took a lot of special care, she would fall all the time and I had diffictlty getting her out of the tub, she has alzhymers and is bent real bad. we visit her during the week and bring her a small cup of ice cream and take her home on Sundays, which she will be with us on Mother's day. I also have a great relationship with our daughters. We are going up our daughters for dinner for Mother's Day, and I am sure it will be a great time.
Sylvia, we wish you the very best Mother's Day ever. Love watching you and your son Chris working together on the web class.
Loads of love to you all,
Marcy
By Debbie, Saturday, May 09, 2009 10:08:29 AM
I thank you for opening my eyes as to why we experience things. I don't feel guilt of the wrong choices I made, I believe I have learned from them. I also had a different Mother, but my Father passed when I was young and the mother kept us away from getting close to anyone. She was in total control, abusive in many ways. I tell my sisters and brother we should be so greatful we made it to this point in our lives. Happy Mothers day to you Sylvia.
By Evelyn, Saturday, May 09, 2009 07:22:17 AM
I was such a poor mother that today I am reaping the consequences. I worked 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs as wells as keeping up the household (with no help) and cooking and laundry and such when my children were growing up which didn't leave time to bond with them properly. Now, today, they have foresaken me, I don't even hear from them on Mother's Day. They are happy in
their own lives, they live on opposite coasts of
the USA and I live in the center. I seldom see them. I seldom hear from them. I know that I was a poor mother, but I did the best I knew how to do with what I had. Beverly
By Tara, Thursday, May 07, 2009 12:21:48 PM
To me, every day since giving birth is mothers day. My son is the greatest thing to ever happen to me, I'm amazed that my friends and family members leave their kids with their husbands on this day and go shopping or have a girls day, I feel like this is a day to thank my son for making me a mother not the other way around!
By Margo Denay, Wednesday, May 06, 2009 06:54:35 PM
Dearest Sylivia
I would use better words if I had them to say thank-you for all you do , have done, continue to do. God bless you Sylvia you are a wonderful person and the world does need you!! I appreciate all of your wisdom , gifts, and I wish you a blessed mothers day. I found your books just in time!! The rest I will send tp. MUAH!!!
By Shoshana, Wednesday, May 06, 2009 04:48:14 PM
Thank you, Sylvia,
Even though I haven't ever formally met you, I feel a strong connection to you. I never really had a good connection with Mom because we were very much the same in many areas but also clashed on moral and ethical issues. One day at a time I try to understand our relationship better, and I pray that she has parental joy from all her 10 kids. I call her every mothers day and her birthday is on the 10th so it's really easy to remember. Happy Mothers day to you and all mothers out there.
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