My mother always told me that I can be, “Fabulous no matter what.” It’s not easy in today’s superficial world, but high self-esteem can be more attractive than surgically-enhanced looks. Women just need to learn how to be fabulous no matter what.

I was listening to a talk-show host on the radio in my car on my way home from work. The host was talking about past relationships and the fact that if it was over at some point, there was no reason to ever get back together with the same woman. He said, “In my life, I don’t push the rewind button!” I found that very interesting. I really took some time and pondered that message. I embraced that comment for myself as, “Don’t press the rewind button and rehash past mistakes in any area—not just relationships.”

The past is the past. Yes, it is possible to re-unite with someone from the past and have it turn out fabulous the second time around. Sometimes it’s a matter of timing. But when it comes to being bitter about a past relationship, spending time rehashing the past, or going over and over what you should have, or could have, done, then do not press the rewind button! Learn from the past, and where relationships are concerned, realize that chances are, the problems you had before could rear their ugly head again.

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Take each person as a new and fresh experience, and see yourself as nothing short of fabulous! Be glad that you are you! So many people wish they were someone else, or that they looked like the latest celebrity or runway model. We have fashion models in our culture literally starving themselves to death. We have all ages of women filling their breasts with sacs of saline just because they think it’s the thing to do—even when many men tell them they love their breasts just the way they are.

We use Botox on every line on our faces because we’re afraid we might be mistaken for our real age. But are we just this “container” of skin, muscle and bones, or are we soul, spirit, creativity, light, love, and inspiration? Look to the inside and you will find everything that you need, everything that you are looking for.

Realize you are indeed fabulous. Yes, it can be a challenge not to conform, and we all want to look our best. There is nothing wrong with that. But our culture and the media has taken all of this to such an extreme that no one feels good about themselves anymore. And I don’t know about you, but I want a man in my life who is going to love me and stand by me when some crows’ feet make an appearance, I don’t fit into a size zero, and I need to touch up those grey hairs a little more often.

I was laughing with my husband the other day at a shoe store. I was trying on a pair of boots and I said, “I used to wear a 7, but now I’m an 8. Everything seems to get a little bigger as we age.” Then he said, “Yeah, but then you’re gonna shrink!” We don’t feel rich enough, thin enough, “with it” enough. Well, I say, enough is enough! You have probably heard the saying, “If you don’t love yourself, no one else can love you.” It is so true. Even when you do attract your soul mate into your life, if your self-esteem is low and you keep putting yourself down, he or she probably won’t stick around that long. Be confident that you’re fabulous no matter what.

A Beverly Hills Matchmaker, Marla Martenson is the author of Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting.